Posted on by Eric DC

Tounge Twisters: Keys or Kiss and Teeth or Tit

How many of us who came from a foreign country or whose mother tongue is a language other than English ends up in a situation where English speaking persons asked you what you said?  Or worse, asked you to repeat what you just said?  Doesn’t it feel insulting that after repeating what you said, still, the person you are talking to gives you a blank face like he has no freaking clue what you just said and repeated a few times?

How many times did you feel ashamed or enraged and your face was all red or your ears were hot as hell after being being told that one did not understand what you said?  Well, I have been in numerous situations when I was new here in the US where my pronunciation of words have been compromised.  It used to hurt my feelings when somebody tells me that he or she did not understand what I said.  One time, one of my ex-boyfriend Kenny’s nephews told him “Uncle Kenny, I did not understand what Eric said.  Can you ask him?”, while I stood right in front.  It was kind of embarrassing to me though I have to hide my disgust and still keep my hypocritical smile.  Another one was when I went to Jersey Gardens to shop with my friend Maricar.  When I asked the customer service in the middle of the floor for shopping bags the lady pointed to me the ATM machine under the escalator saying “There is no bank here inside the mall.”  So I have to come back to her and say I am asking for shopping bags (which I pronounced as “begs”), and this time she understood and asked me “How many do you want?” with a smile. Geesh!

Well, two very memorable situations of tongue-twisting I could not forget happened at two stages of my life.  These two stood out among the awkward moments of disgrace.  The first one was with my ex-boyfriend Kenny while he was staying at my apartment around 2012 and the other with my husband Ulrich when he moved in with me in 2015 after we got married.

One morning of summer in 2012, I woke up at 6:30am as usual, but this time I have an extra activity as my boyfriend Kenny drove me home and stayed for the night in my apartment.  It is Tuesday morning which means alternate side parking is effective in front of my apartment where Kenny parked his car last night.  And since he doesn’t wake up early I have to make sure that the car is moved from the roadside before 10am and the task of doing it was mine.  I put the white 5-Cup Toastmaster coffee maker on and filled the filter basket with freshly ground coffee which I got from Key Food supermarket by the end of 33rd Street and 30th Avenue.  “I will have my coffee when I come back from parking Kenny’s car” I said to myself.  I put my sweat pants over my sleeping shorts and put a baseball cap over my head to cover my hair which is always messy and unmanageable every time I wake up in the morning.  I took the keys from the crystal bowl by the altar table which is adorned with red roses that I bought last Sunday after I came from church, which is a regular task for me after every Sunday mass.  I came down the stairs to the second floor of the building to go out through the side door leading to the street which is only accessible to the tenants of the building.  Kenny had parked his 2012 Mercedes-Benz right in front my the building, he was lucky last night.  Anytime of the day is a headache looking for a parking space in any part of Astoria except on Sundays.  I put the ignition on  and start driving the car along 33rd Street making a quick right turn to 28th Avenue taking turn from street to street and making sure the space available is not on alternate side parking rule.  At last, I was able to find a free space on 38th Street a little closer to where New York Sports Club is.  Now I can go home and prepare our breakfast before I take a shower.  I got back inside the apartment as if nothing happened while I was away parking the car because the house is still silent and Kenny is still asleep.  I placed the car keys on top of the computer table so it will be visible for Kenny when he wakes up.  I made a quick trip to the kitchen, filled my cup up with coffee with two teaspoons of sugar and two spoons of Nestle Coffee-mate creamer as I start preparing Kenny’s favorite breakfast of two over-easy eggs on top of fried sliced ham all on a toasted Thomas’ english muffin.  Kenny woke up as I was preparing myself to go to work buttoning the left sleeve of my shirt.  He gave me a kiss and greeted me “Good morning” as I greeted him the same.  I told him his favorite breakfast of Ham and Egg sandwich was on top of the stove and the coffee was brewing in the coffee maker.  As I was about to leave and he was lying sleepy on the couch wearing his very skimpy boxer shorts that shows half of his balls, I told him “Your keys are here.” Then he stood up and say “Where?”  I said “Here” pointing to the top of the computer table.  In my mind I was thinking he probably forgot that I have to move his car on another side of the street since it is an alternate side parking day today.  Looking like a confused child, he decided to come closer to me and posed as if he was waiting for me to kiss him and said “Okay, you can kiss me now”.  I got so mad and said “I was talking about your car keys and not kiss.”  Then he said “I am sorry, I thought you said kiss” and showed me his lips as he pouted it.  Feeling so insulted I angrily said goodbye and slammed the door behind me.

Forward 3 years, one evening of 2015 after eating a dinner of baked salmon with carrots, zucchini, green beans and bell pepper which was seasoned with Goya Adobo powder over white rice with the side of red wine, my husband Ulrich and I were about to watch episode 5 of Murdoch Mysteries series 1 which we have been binging on for the last few weeks along with Poirot and Miss Fisher.  “Wait for me before you start, I will finish washing the dishes in 2 minutes” I told Ulrich who replied with “Of course honey, I won’t start yet” assuringly while crackling his favorite M&M peanuts in his mouth.  The title of the episode was “Till Death Do Us Part” which was about a homosexual man who engaged in a sham marriage so he can claim his inheritance.  After finishing the episode, we watched two more succeeding episodes 6 and 7 until we realized that we started at 8pm after dinner and by 10:30pm it was the bedtime for Ulrich so we decided it is time to call it quits.  Ulrich was in a hurry to use the bathroom to pee so he can jump into bed and it will be my turn to shut the lights out.  Of course I was trying to get in first, but he was taller and bigger than me so he was able to block me by the door.  I said I wanted to go in first because I will have to brush my “teeth”.  He asked me “What?” while shaking his weenie as he finished urinating.   I said “I will brush my teeth” as I was holding my toothbrush.  Looking confused he lifted his shirt that shows strands of hair in his chest, then pointed to one of his nipples saying “Are you brushing your tit?”  We bursted in laughters and again I said I was brushing my teeth with emphasis on the “th” while spelling it for him “T-E-E-T-H”.  While Ulrich was walking away out of the bathroom I tried to follow him reaching for his nipple to pinch it from behind and say “I can brush your tit too.”  That was the joke for the night enough to put smiles in our faces as I kiss him goodnight turning the lights off and lay my head on my pillow.

I realized, nowadays it doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore if somebody did not understand what I said because of my pronunciation.  It actually sounds funny to me now.  Sweet dreams!

 

543 Replies to “Tounge Twisters: Keys or Kiss and Teeth or Tit”

  1. Hah! I’m on the reverse! If I can’t understand, I will ask them to repeat. And if I still can’t, I’ll ask them to spell it. Lol!
    But I noticed that wrong grammar and diction don’t bother most of Americans. As long as you can express yourself, it’s business as usual. They usually smile and very understanding of our language barrier. It’s our fellow Filipinos we have to watch out for, they who have the audacity of correcting our grammar and diction. Tsk, tsk, tsk!

     

    1. Yes, I agree with you. Very well articulated!

      I noticed that too, our number one critics are fellow Pinoys. But with the Americans they always turn it into a joke. I think they find it fascinating that we are speaking their language with a different accent. Just like when we have an American nurse in Africa who speaks Swahili which is a native dialect in one of the African countries and we all find it fascinating to listen to her as she speaks from her heart.

      Thanks for the comment!

      Eric DC

       

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